The three hour finale can be summed up in one phrase, "What the hell is going on?" The ladies met Juan Pablos parents where they gave each of them a fair warning that their son has a temper and his mother told Clare that he has made her cry. A grown woman is telling the woman her son is dating that he made her cry. It was as if she did not want her son to come out a happy man in all of this.
On the topic of being rude, the biggest story of the finale was when the cameras weren't rolling. Oh how convient, the cameras aren't rolling so this is the perfect time for Juan Pablo to whisper dirty nothings into her ear. Clare was appalled and she could not believe that those words even came out of his mouth. What was said? We will never know. She of course confronts Juan Pablo about what he said during their last final date and he told her that she took that the wrong way. He basically turned it around on her, and at first she was not having it. But she loves Juan Pablo and fell under his spell again. No, he's a jackass you up and leave him right then and there. But we all have to remember we are dealing with the woman who supposedly had sex with him in the ocean. This bitch was never going to leave willingly.
Nikki on the other hand felt really good about Juan Pablo during their final date, but this guy just causes the water works time after time. Nikki starts crying because she did not get the reassurance that she needed from him. Nikki, girlfriend, this is when you run.
Now my favorite part of the season is when Neil Lane shows up. Every year he shows up and is always there to hand out a beautiful ring. Not only is Juan Pablo possibly the worst bachelor ever, but he deprived me of seeing Neil Lane this year. Is this a joke?
So did he even get a ring?
Clare was the first one to walk up to Juan Pablo in a forest and she was so certain that she was walking up to see her husband. She gets there and she talks about the good times they have shared, yada yada yada. Then Juan Pablo tells her that she is an amazing girl but he needs someone who is right for him and that he needs to let her go. He then plastered on, "Lets hug it out bitch" face.
She then rattled off how Juan Pablo said he could see himself in her home town of Sacramento and how he could see them having babies together, you know really nauseating stuff, and Juan Pabs nodded his head in agreement. She then explained how Andi and Sharleen left because the feelings were not there and that she told him through this entire experience that if he did not feel it with her, that he needs to send her home. The son of a bitch did not do that. She told him that she lost all respect for him and then walked off, but not before getting the last word in. She stopped, turned to him and then said, "I thought I knew what kind of guy you were but I don't. I would never want a guy like you to be the father of my children." And that folks is how the best goodbye in Bachelor history was born.
Now Juan Pablo basically got his ass handed to him by crazy Clare and how does he choose to act? Like the true douche bag that he is. As Clare is walking away, Juan Pablo smiles and then says this, "Glad I didnt pick her!" Everyones jaw had to be on the ground at this point.
So now Nikki is left to get the final rose and an engagement ring. This is how this show works, two people fall in love, get engaged, and then break up in 4-6 weeks. Its a simple process people why not follow it. Nikki arrives and Juan Pablo kisses her immediately. She then does the same thing Clare does which is talk about how wonderful and how amazing he is and how she is so in love with him. Then its Juan Pablos turn to speak. He tells her that he has an engagement ring but he is not going to use it. He tells her that is is not 100% sure he wants to propose to her, but he is also 100% sure that he does not want to let her go. Yeah, thats what every woman wants to hear. Of course during this entire dumb speech, this is Nikki's face...
In true Bachelor tradition, after the finale comes After the Final Rose. We all know what this consists of and after that finale I was on the edge of my seat to see what would happen next. Juan Pablo is a wild card and the biggest douche on the planet. Anything was possible.
The first guest out was Clare who looked happy. She said that it still stings a little to think about what happened back then, but she is in a great place in her life and has no regrets. Chris Harrison asked her if she would want to speak to Juan Pablo to have closure and answers and Clare surprised all of us again when she said no. She got closure in St. Lucia after she laid him out and has nothing else to say to him. Crazy Clare did not live up to her name, and while that is a huge step it was a little disappointing. Those two should have gone head to head it because would have made for great TV. Oh, but don't worry drama seekers. Those two not going head to head was no loss. In fact, two other people went head to head that will forever go down in the most awkward After the Final Rose to date.
After Clare, Juan Pablo was the next person to take the hot seat. Chris Harrison immediately asked him if he had any regrets after looking back at the tapes and seeing how everything unfolded. Juan Pablo then began to calculate how many hours he was on the show, 600 hundred if you actually care. Chris Harrison then tried to change the question but Juan Pablo took that as Mr. Harrison talking over him and apparently you can't do that. Juan Pablo then interrupted Chris Harrison and then said, "Can I talk?" The live audience lost it and they all had a collective, "Oooooo!" This is Chris Harrison, not one of the ladies. No one speaks to Chris Harrison that way. Chris Harrison then brought up Clare and Juan Pablo said that it was private. This is The Bachelor. You "swam" in the ocean on primetime television, yet everything else is private. Oh please.
He then said that the last night in St. Lucia he was not sure what he wanted to do. Honestly it would not surprise me if this guy just flipped a coin and was like, "Oh Nikki the Nurse. I like her. Eh, ess okay!" Speaking of Nikki the Nurse, she was left in St. Lucia with a rose but without a ring nor an I love you. So how does she feel now?
Nikki told Chris Harrison that they have been really happy and that she is still in love. And then he asked the pressing question if Juan Pablo was in love with her and she said, "I don't know." Nikki tried to dance around it saying that she knows he loves her because he expresses it in different ways, but Chris Harrison asked if he ever said that he loves her and Nikki just sat there with this face...
Nikki's man then came out on stage and we saw the two together for the first time and I speak for everyone when I say we wanted her to break up with him right there. But instead they just looked like this...
Chris Harrison then opened it up to the panel of Bachelor alumnus and everyone's favorite guy, Sean Lowe, put it out there bluntly. He said that him and Juan Pablo are obviously different people, but when he found Catherine and knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and that he loved her he could not wait to tell everyone. Juan Pablo said that he respects his opinion, but they are not the same and he did not propose to Nikki out of respect for her father. Whatever you say there Juan Pabs.
Chris Harrison then explains to Juan Pablo what this show is about, slowly I might add, remember English is his second language. He explained that this show is all about two people finding love and being happy. Apparently Chris Harrison was wrong because Juan Pablo explained to him that, "The show is about somebody, finding somebody and being happy and falling in love." Thats the same thing, but whatever. Then Chris Harrison asked again, this time a little frustrated, "Did you find that? Are you happy?" Juan Pablo said that he is happy and that, "Look, [motioning to Nikki] I am happy, I am four months happy." Then Chris Harrison basically jumps out of his chair and says, "I have no idea what I am looking at!!" During that entire conversation Chris Harrison made this face...
Chris Harrison asked Nikki how long she would give Juan Pablo if he has not said that he loves her and she said, "I wouldn't put a time limit on it." Nikki looked like a robot. Juan Pablo definitely told her what to say and how to say it. He's abusive and I am giving this relationship all of two weeks. Chris Harrison asks them where they are going to live and what they are going to do and Juan Pablo tells him that they are thinking about it. So Chris Harrison was like, "Well, are there any plans?" Juan Pablo said that it was private...Jesus God. Give us something.
Leave it to Sean Lowe to be blunt and he told Juan Pablo, "I hate to burst your bubble but nothing is private. It will continue."
Chris Harrison had enough and told them, "Im going to say congratulations...I hope. You have smiles so...good on ya!" Everyone laughs and then Chris Harrison breaks, "12 years I have been doing this show and this is a Bachelor first. Easily."
Juan Pablo obviously has deep rooted issues with Chris Harrison and production and he took that out during After the Final Rose. Everyone, including myself, who has basically wasted two months watching this was left disappointed yet slightly satisfied because what happened made for great live television. I'm thinking that he will never be invited back for Bachelor events...just saying.
In the words of Chris Harrison, "Why not do this again?" Badass district attorney from Atlanta, Andi Dorfman, is our new Bachelorette! While the announcement is no surprise, her season is sure to be a lot more entertaining then what ever the hell this was. Any girl who can stand up to a man for being rude, inconsiderate and over all an asshole is alright in my book! The season starts May 19th!