If someone had asked me three years ago how I think my life would be entering senior year I would probably tell them an extremely mapped out plan. After all I was a naive 18 year old who thought she knew everything and could also do everything according to plan. The plan would probably consist of living with friends in an off campus apartment, having a great internship and having a strong grip on what my life will look like as soon as that diploma is in my hand. Yeah, none of that happened. Instead I live happily with my boyfriend (I would have never imagined that) in a very nice grown up apartment, I have no internship or any prospect of one at the moment and if you were to ask me were I hope to be after graduation I will tell you, "Hopefully I'm not still waitressing."
When I entered college I thought everyone had their shit together. Everyone is working toward the life they want for themselves and toward a job they will absolutely love. What I have come to find is that a majority of people simply just want a job, any job, that will pay their rent and pay off their loans. Being happy about being there isn't really a factor. They are just hungry for anything that will give them a chance and pay them. I have slowly accepted the fact that I have become one of those people.
I thought I knew what I really wanted when I entered college. The funny thing they don't really tell you about the four years of being there is that everything you thought you wanted isn't what you wanted at all. Instead, you are offered opportunities that you never thought you would get, you encounter people who challenge you, surprise you and some even change your life. You also ask yourself if you are doing everything correctly about five times a day. What a weird place to be. The amount of self doubt that happens on a daily basis is actually unreal.
My doubt about the future after the bubble of college is over started at the beginning of last year. I've just been hanging out in limbo trying to figure things out. I took a job that I thought would give me some direction and it instead made me hate the industry all together. It was extremely disappointing finding out that the thing I had an interest in isn't what I thought it really was. Thats life for you.
I kept telling myself that I have another year to just figure it out. Well guess what that year is over and now it's crunch time. Where in the hell am I supposed to go? The amount of direction I have is zero. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way, but that fact is not comforting to me at all. My biggest fear is that everyone is going to have everything figured out and I'll still be showing up everyday for my 4pm-10:30 pm waitress shift. And I'll show up everyday saying, "I have a degree ya know!" when a customer barks at me for more bread.
However, I've decided to stop having a negative connotation with having no direction going into my last year of college. Anything can happen and so many things can change in a short amount of time. If I have learned anything about the past year it is that 12 months can completely change your life.
So here is a quote that will hopefully help anyone else feeling a little lost about their life. When I'm not worrying about not having a job out of college I like to look up fun sayings. Hey, everyone has their thing!