Juan Pabs just wants a little lovin, and he wants the lovin to come from the brunettes and the blonde girls. Apparently he also likes the girls young, like eleven years younger then him.
Cassandra is a very pretty girl who managed to become a single mother, and also a former NBA dancer by the age of 21. The Juan Pabs loves that. He loves that she has a kid, and he just loves the presence of Cassandra.
She was lucky enough to have the first one-on-one date this week, and Juan Pabs picked her up in a car that looked like a Jeep Wrangler. In the world of The Bachelor you can't have the car be just a regular Jeep. Oh no, Juan Pabs turned that car into something out of the Spy Kids movies, and the car turned into a speed boat. It was the coolest things I have seen on this show, and come on we have all seen some pretty crazy things.
They spent the day on the water, and in typical bachelor status, they ride their Jeep speedboat to a yacht and spend the rest of the day there. At night, Juan Pablo brings her back to the house in which Cassandra was like a kid in the candy store looking at Camilla's drawings. The conversation seemed dry and all Cassandra could come up with was, "She has great penmanship."
Another thing that kept getting brought up on this date was that this was Cassandra's first date in almost three years. Now if someone in their mid twenties was saying this it would be okay. Three years ago Cassandra was 18 years old. That date probably consisted of a milkshake, some under the bra action, and oh yeah the conception of her son!
Now the best part of this date was when Juan Pablo wanted to loosen Cassandra up, and he wanted to teach her a little salsa dancing. I could watch Juan Pabs do that all day long, but the former NBA dancer proved just why former is in her title. That girl can not dance for anything. Of course she was nervous but girl, come on, if you are a dancer you now have a opportunity to whip out your skills. Their dinner was weird, and to my surprise she got a rose. She will stay around for at least another week.
Now in between certain parts of this date, we were brought back to the mansion were Elise, the school teacher, was talking to the house mother, Renee, about how she ended up on The Bachelor. Her mother was dying and she left Elise a letter saying how she wants her to be on the show. Leave it to the house mom to deal with all the girls' sob stories. I love Elise, but her mother really did not have any other last things for her? Her last wish was to have her daughter go on national television, act like a crazy person to get a guy to fall in love with her, while dealing with 26 other girls? Damn.
Everyone knows that Juan Pabs is an ex-pro soccer player, and yes watching him dribble a ball down the field makes all of us melt. In order for him to show the girls what his passion is, he brought them all to the stadium were the LA Galxey soccer team plays. This group date was the women battling it out in a soccer match to impress el bachelor. Some of the girls were good, and some got kicked in the face like Sharleen. Seriously, I want that on a loop.
After the game they all changed into tight dresses and headed up to a club box to pop some champagne and to have real, deep, conversations. Nikki the nurse had to make it known that she wants to be there, and Andi got hot and heavy with Juan Pabs in the concession stand.
The most awkward part of the group date was Juan Pablo and Sharleen. Now lets break this one down. Juan Pablo is affable, carefree, lovable, overall genuine guy. Sharleen is dry, not funny, awkward, and just a dense person. For some reason our beloved Juan Pabs is attracted to her, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. They shared their first kiss which was waaaaaayy too close for comfort. It was like watching two twelve year olds have their first kiss during spin the bottle. That had to be Sharleen's first kiss in like ten years. Girl looked weak and it was just awful. God awful.
Nikki the nurse got the rose and all was well in group date land. Well it was good for Nikki!!
Back at the mansion, school teacher Elise is still advocating for herself to get the one on one date. She expressed numerous times that her competition, Chelsea, is not a suitable step-mother and is just a little girl. Elise really felt as though she was going to be the one to get the date. Plot twist!!! The date goes to Chelsea.
Chelsea is another one that I don't understand what Juan Pablo sees in her. She is eight years younger then him, and I never agree with the girls in the house but Elise is right. "She's a little girl." The two go to a Venezuelan restaurant where Juan Pablo nearly looses himself because he is so excited to be sharing parts of his homeland. The date then takes a 180 turn, and Juan Pablo tells them they are going to go bungie jumping off a bridge. Insert fifteen minutes of Chelsea freaking out, Juan Pablo calming her down, Chelsea freaking out again, and Juan Pablo calming her down. It was so ridiculous that it got to a point where all you wanted to see was this bitch jump off the damn bridge. Of course she did it and they shared their first kiss as all the blood rushed to their heads.
The two then shared a dry dinner where nothing important happened. Then a country singer came out to sing a song, Chelsea's inner sorority girl came out, and Juan tried to salsa dance to a country song. It was a priceless moment folks.
By now we all know that Juan Pabs is a gentleman and will do anything for his women. He surprised the girls by showing up to the mansion early and cooked everyone breakfast. Thats right. None of these girls are wearing bras, no makeup, teeth not brushed, and half of them have four eyes. Like Juan Pablo said, "Its like real life."
House mom Renee walks down looking perfect as ever solidifying the fact that she is the best person ever in the history of the show. Juan Pablo stopped dead in his tracks because Renee is literally perfect with no makeup, hair not brushed, and is only wearing a tank top and shorts. The other girls are rushing around to hopefully make themselves somewhat presentable. Free spirit Lucy's reaction to putting on clothes to meet Juan Pablo in the kitchen, "GAH!" Yeah, you gotta at least put on some underwear.
After breakfast the girls all put on their bathing suits and took el bachelor poolside. It was there that ceiling eyes Kelly made the most memorable quote of the night. Kat was one Juan Pabs shoulders in the pool which prompted Kelly to say, "His head was in her crotch for like twenty minutes." Yeah it was, and I'm sure he liked it.
Now back to Sharleen. It is here that the dry emotionless woman sobbed to Juan Pablo about god knows what, only to dry those tears in a hot second. They then commenced on their second awkward make out session which the other girls saw, and the claws then came out.It is here that the girls realize that the guy they are dating, also happens to be dating a dozen other women. Oh yeah ladies, reality sucks. But really, is this reality? Thats a loaded question. Hell I would be pissed too if Juan Pabs was making out with the girl who has zero personality while I had to sit and watch. At least I think I would be able to take it. Clare on the other hand was not able to take that.
We all knew the moment we met Clare she had the makings of a straight up crazy. She proved it during the pool party. She goes into the mansion, closes the bathroom door, and cries about not having enough time with him. She has the standard, 'First Date of The Season Syndrome'. She had an amazing time with Juan Pablo on the first date, and then she feels forgotten about and left behind. Leave it to the house mom Renee to come in and soothe her.
Side Note: Why the hell is Renee not getting anytime with Juan Pabs? They only show her taking care of the crazy girls!! Come on producers shed some light on my main girl!!
Long story short, Clare pulls all of her crazy together, talks to Juan Pablo, and he assures her that things are fine. Shocking. Clare's crazy is put at bay, but come on its only a matter of time until something else happens.
The rose ceremony was a snooze fest. Kelly brought the dog with her, but I have a question. Does the dog fly first class with the girls when they go on their international destinations? Its a serious question that I would like an answer to. Naked girl Lucy got the boot which I was really sad to see. We all knew she was never going to end up with el bachelor, but she was the comic relief. I want Lucy to have her own show, maybe they will bring her back for Bachelor Pad! Another one to leave was a girl named Christie. She never got air time, and we did not know much about her at all.
Looks like next week the magical destinations begin. From the preview we saw Sharleen belt out a few notes, Clare attacking Nikki the nurse, and other ridiculous things. Just keep drinking that wine girls!!!